I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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