I feel like abortions should bother me more
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
