Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
