I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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