im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
