I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
