My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
