thus making me awesome and them whores
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Rumble strips road head = magical
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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