There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have fence marks all over my body
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
