i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
