Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
