I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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