Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
