I didn't shave. On purpose
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
