fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
