I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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