what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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