she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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