i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
