I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
