I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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