Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
