Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
