Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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