You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
