I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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