dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
whose parrot is this?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
