maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
