Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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