Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
