The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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