The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
