would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
