If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
