i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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