I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
