Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
