Dual....:-)
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
