ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
