I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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