Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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