They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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