I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
