U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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