pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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