I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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