dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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