after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
