she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's always time for handjobs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
