so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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