U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
