Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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