Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
